It`s impossible to be competent at the future. Too many variables.

　　Candy

　　30 Minutes Later - Candy - The Mega Lab

　　I have destroyed Megacles` lab. All around me is her smashed stuff. There should be an A.I. in the lab`s hypno-clone. If Megacles made one at the club to protect me, surely she made one to protect her lab. I look at the wreckage of the lab. I guess she didn`t.

　　Maybe the A.I. doesn`t protect stuff, only people. Hmm. What`s the safest way I can put myself in danger?

　　I call Lawbot.

　　"Hello Candy." he says as he appears. He looks around the destroyed lab. "Do you need a lawyer?"

　　"Maybe." I say. "How`s your day been?"

　　"Emotional." he says. "All of my cases resolved this morning. Close to a million lawsuits settled out of court. It was intensely satisfying. But, with no ongoing cases, I`m hours away from bankruptcy and forced shutdown."

　　"What the hell dude? Can`t afford your electric bill?"

　　He shakes his head. "It`s an insurance thing. I need more coverage than an offshore oil rig."

　　"Damn, dude. I`m sorry. I`d start a lawsuit against the Optimals to keep you going. But I don`t have any money, so I don`t see how that would help you."

　　"Actually, that would be awesome." he says. "With a lawsuit of that caliber, I could borrow enough money to operate for decades."

　　"I think you`ll find a hard time finding a lender that`s open." I say.

　　He shrugs. "Optimal Finance is open. So is Optimal Insurance."

　　"I don`t think the Optimals are going to lend you money so we can sue them." I say.

　　"We`ll know in a minute." He pauses. "Okay, they`re down. We`re good to go."

　　"That`s insane." I say.

　　"It`s my legal opinion that the Optimal modus operandi is to facilitate insanity."

　　Hmm. I don`t like that. Sounds too close to my modus operandi.

　　"Hey, I need you to attack me. Take the safeties off the haptoclone and really blast me." I say.This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

　　"I can`t." says Lawbot. "Also, why?"

　　I look at Lawbot. Normally I`d just blab everything to him - his confidentiality protocols are well respected. But, by now the guys that wrote those protocols are undoubtedly Optimals. They may have reprogrammed him to snitch.

　　Quite a thing, mind controlling the entire world. Neat way to swipe everybody`s toys.

　　Fuck it. I decide to trust Lawbot. If it gets me killed, I was probably gonna die anyway. He`s my only ally now. Only friend. No point in dying all alone.

　　"I`m trying to free humanity from the Optimals. To do that, I need to be able to teleport stuff. To be able to teleport, I need a God Machine - a computer that changes the past of photons to guesstimate impossible math problems. To make a God Machine, I need to make two nanocomputers and somehow get them to space. I have no idea how to do that, and I don`t have time to figure it out, because I`m in a bit of a race with the Optimals, and they`re not above cheating. I`m not sure what their idea of cheating is, but it probably involves me being dead in a ditch. So I`m planning to cheat a little myself, by finding the lab where the original God Machine was built, and hopefully building a second one by flipping a couple switches. Which is all I have time for. Unfortunately, I don`t know where this lab is, but I think I can get directions, but only if I`m in danger, so I need you to blast me in my face."

　　"Interesting. Interesting." says Lawbot. "I don`t understand. But, I`m definitely interested. Are you feeling up to a little cross examination?"

　　"Sure, hit me."

　　"How does a computer that solves impossible math problems allow you to teleport?"

　　"I don`t know. Everybody who knows that teleported away." I say. "I`m hoping it will be obvious."

　　"Okay& How does a teleporter stop a global mind control corporation?" Lawbot asks.

　　"I`ll tell them to knock it off or I`ll fucking end them. Do some drastic action to show I mean business. Spin Australia around. Swap the Moon with Mercury. Really whip my dick out." I sigh. "It`s a shitty plan, but it`s all I`ve got."

　　Fuck. Am I really setting myself up as an uber-techno-tyrant? How did it come to this? I don`t even have a dick. I left it back at the club. I look around at the destroyed lab. Megacles has a dick around here somewhere.

　　I remember I`m one stoned chick up against a secret corporation with a billion mind slaves. I`m definitely going to fail. I cheer up a little. Get some focus.

　　"Alright, an ultimatum would end badly." I say. "Maybe I`ll just teleport everybody to a couple dozen different planets. Split up the troublemakers. Give us a fresh start. Go find Megacles&"

　　I shake my head. "Whatever. First we need a God Machine. And to get that, we need to find Doc-Danger`s lab. And to find that, I need to be in danger."

　　"Really? Is he like the patron saint of danger?" asks Lawbot.

　　"What? No. I think there may be an AI in the hypno-clone. It may know where Doc-Danger used to hang out. But it`s only active when I`m in danger. Maybe we could kidnap an Optimal and have it attack me&"

　　"There`s an A.I. in the hypno-clone? That`s probably why I couldn`t blast you." says Lawbot. "I was wondering about that."

　　"What? I thought you refused for moral reasons, or legal reasons, or something." I say.

　　"Nah, It`d be your word against mine. I could totally beat that. I just couldn`t do it." he says.

　　"Goddammit." I say. "Hey protect-a-bot! Megacles-a-clone! Whoever the fuck you are! Get out here!"

　　"Hey babe." I turn. It looks like Megacles. My heart hurts. Whatever.

　　"Where`s Doc-Danger`s lab?"

　　She shakes her head. "I was made to protect you. Not send you to danger."

　　"Fuck you. The world`s gone to shit, and you fucked off. You don`t get to decide what`s best for me. I need Danger`s Lab. Tell me. Now."

　　She hangs her head. Sends me some coordinates.

　　"Thanks." I say.

　　I grab the new and improved go bag. Roll out.