"That& is the dumbest class I`ve ever seen," said Greg. "How is that even a class? It doesn`t even give you any benefits! Did it at least boost your stats? Quick, bring up your status screen."

　　Name: Richard Big Dick` Hansen

　　Number Go Up: 13

　　Class: [Middle Class American]

　　EXP: 1890/2121

　　HP: 121/121

　　MP: 11/11

　　Perks:

　　[Boarslayer I]. You are the bane of the [Boarse]. +5% damage against Boarsii.

　　[Slime Stomper I]. Slimes everywhere fear your boots. +5% damage to slimes when stomped underfoot. Go get em, tiger!

　　Status Effects: None

　　Stats:

　　Bignosity: 6 — Hulk SMASH.

　　Brain: 2 — You ain`t the sharpest tool in the shed, Dick. But that`s okay. The world needs its share of fucking idiots.

　　Danciness: 1 — You`re about as agile as a turd. No surprise there. I mean, you literally died to a tree.

　　Physicality: 3 — You`re big, sure. But a lifetime of burgers and fries has left your arteries clogged and diabetes at your doorstep. It`s a miracle you don`t have cancer.

　　 Magic: 1 — You fucking suck. Give up before you embarrass yourself.

　　Studliness: 7 — The ladies swoon. The men, too. The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

　　Skills:

　　[Walking]: 4 — Turns out everything`s a skill in this world. Even walking. +4% movement speed while walking.

　　[Stomp]: 13 — Foes fall beneath your heels. You are the Gompstomper, and stomping is what you do. +1.3% damage to enemies dispatched via stomping.

　　[Knife Carving]: 4 — Carve stuff. With knives. +4% quality to objects carved with knives. +4% knife carving speed.

　　[Pitfall Trap Making]: 2 — Make your enemies fall to their deaths. In spectacular fashion. +2% trap deadliness. +2% trap setting speed.

　　"Your stats didn`t go up. At all," Greg said, cradling his star face in his cartoon hands. "This is horrible. You could`ve been a [God], Dick! A living [God]! Instead& you`re a [Middle Class American]."

　　"Damn proud," Dick replied, beaming.

　　"Alright, well. What`s done is done," said Greg, looking like he was about to cry. "No use crying over dead babies, as Gandalf liked to say. What do you plan to do now? Y`know& this [Boarse] killing idea of yours is great. This is an amazing place to farm EXP. I say we stay here and kill some more [Boarse]—Hey! Where are you going?"

　　"Town. Gonna flip me some burgers."

　　"That`s& such a waste! Why not stay a bit and farm EXP?"

　　Dick turned and stared Greg in the eyes, his expression solemn. "Because I already had em."

　　Then he turned around and kept walking.

　　Greg stared at the big man for a solid minute, then raised his cartoon hands to the sky and burst out crying. "Kamisama tasukete!!!"

　　[Boarse] meat sizzled upon the grill. Beside it stood bottles of ketchup, mustard, pickles, and slices of cheese.

　　"Hmmm. You really oughta thank me, y`know?" Greg said, floating around Dick as he worked. Dick brought his A game, wearing an apron for the occasion while a fire-fed stove provided the heat.

　　"Without my [Item Shop], you couldn`t have bought any of this stuff! You do realize dijon mustard isn`t a common thing in this world, right?"

　　Dick had deftly stripped the [Boarse] hides, selling them off for coin, but as he`d soon found out, most of the basic burger ingredients weren`t for sale. From the burger buns to the pickles, he`d been forced to use Greg`s item shop, bartering away the remainder of the hides.

　　It didn`t matter. Dick was now flipping burgers, and really, wasn`t that all that mattered?

　　Greg sighed. "Dick, you do realize this isn`t going to work, right?"

　　Dick shuffled his Wacdonald`s hat, unfazed."I`m lovin` it!"