Frankly speaking, this mortal realm is really shitty and boring. I want to go to heavenly realm already.

　　However, the path to great dao is obscured by many hardships, and sometimes, it`s easy to lose one`s way in face of short term mortal gains and desires.

　　So have I lost my way.

　　For the past two weeks, I put the main quest of this story on hold, and instead focused on earning money through my newly-obtained status of internet celebrity(of sorts).

　　My patreon income skyrocketed to 15$ and now I can afford luxuries I never thought within my reach before, such as a new batch of Pink Floyd, sent by Grimm through regular post.

　　No longer do I have to scavenge in weird locations like a morbid game of augmented reality, now medicinal phylacteries will arrive straight to the front door of my realm.

　　However, my success in power progression is paired with progressing social reclusion&.

　　Tolya, the evil young master I landed in hospital the other day, still hasn`t woken up and his clan is now out for my blood. The quadman from the other time, and Biker Mice, were mercenaries sent after my head&.

　　Staying in hiding seems like the most reasonable solution&.The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

　　Suddenly, my screen blips.

　　Did someone respond to my tinder profile?

　　(btw here`s the profile. I made it assuming that if I can`t find any jade beauties in this middle of nowhere, jade beauties will come to me)

　　&...

　　Long Dong 16Student at Santa`s AnusLives in 5th realm(Generic russian small town)

　　Jeffrey E. didn`t kill himself!

　　Looking to build a harem. In order of relevance I seek:

　　-a yandere gf with ideally pink hair who is total psycho and will dom me and cut me up~!(photo is how she should look like, this is my other gf, Long Dongina-er)

　　-a shy kuudere who barely talks but has cold and sadistic streak hidden beneath her cold smile

　　-a rough and rowdy oneesan who will get drunk then beat me up then have rough sex with me, roughly

　　-a shy trap who just wants to be dominated by a handsome young master like me(must be shorter than me)

　　-a childhood friend type(I don`t actually have childhood friends so let`s just pretend)

　　&&..

　　Despite how perfectly written it was, I didn`t get any response until now.Thus, understandably, I am super excited&.

　　"Hello Long Dong, long time no see. It`s me, Sadie. I`d love to give you the taste of my own medicine. Chat me up at the hospital~"

　　WTFFFAaaaaaaaa

　　I put my hands around my head and bash my forehead repeatedly against my keyboard.

　　Wait, there is more to the message!

　　"Btw, I made screenshots of your profile and will send them to all your friends if you don`t respond within 7 days~ Don`t forget to bring all your money~hugz and kisses~!"

　　What is this, The Ring? I have 7 days to live!? Whaaaaa~~~!!!!!