Pak

　　"Pak!"

　　I open my eyes. My right eyelid drags a little, like it always does.

　　"Prrroooh!"

　　Cabbage nuzzles into my neck, his whiskers tickling my jaw.

　　"You`re alive!"

　　I flinch as one of Kano`s tears lands just to the side of my nose. He wipes it away, holding my face like it`s the most precious thing he`s ever held. He gives a strange titter. Cabbage licks inside my ear. But I thought I died& I killed myself. I did, didn`t I?

　　"I missed you so much&"

　　I see the surface tension on his eyes wobble before another tear drops. This one lands on my lip. He wipes it away, his thumb lingering. The light from the top of the sinkhole pours down behind him, so far away. It frames his crown of wavy red hair, giving the distinct impression of a halo.

　　"H-hey," I say. It`s all I can muster. He giggles, wraps himself around me, pulls me upright, pulls me in close. I`ve never been hugged like this before. Maybe I did die. Maybe this is heaven, or some sort of hallucination. Maybe it`s all just a dream.

　　"I thought I lost you," he whispers.

　　"I`m sorry&"

　　He shushes me gently. I crack, sucking in a shaky breath.

　　"It`s not your fault," he says. "It`s not your fault. It`s not&"

　　It`s all coming back. The lies, the weapon, the cave-in, Tok`sera, Joma. How many died because of me? And the darkness, the suffocating darkness, the eons of interrogation, of selling my city`s secrets all for a promise they couldn`t keep. I see Grandmother`s deadened eyes, I smell her blood staining her nightgown, my hand& I see the girl who burned me - Lilia - her eyes reflecting that same impending doom that I just felt. Her blood still pools beneath me. So much blood...

　　I break into a sob. Everything hurts. My wrists still scream with pain. My mind gushes guilt. How many people died&?

　　"I d-did - I did some b-bad things - Bad - bad, bad things&"

　　"It`s okay," Kano says, swaying with me. "You didn`t mean it. Whatever it is, I know you, Pak. You didn`t mean to hurt anyone - not once, not your whole life&"

　　I lose my voice to a full-blown wail, weeping, burying my face into his collar - the collar of his purple shirt, my favorite one, but I never told him that. Cabbage butts his head against my side, in the place where my hip meets my thigh, and falls over, splaying his wings, kneading my leg with his ridiculous little feet.

　　"I`m sorry I&" His voice trails off, and he sniffs, stroking my hair. I squeeze him with every shred of strength I have. I don`t understand him at all. With so much blood on my hands, with how awful I`ve been, abandoning him without even saying goodbye& Why is he even here?

　　"I should have told you sooner&"

　　I feel his warm breath on my ear. His lips graze my neck.

　　"I love you. I love you so much. I always have."

　　My breath catches in my throat.

　　"You don`t have to say it back," he says. "But-"

　　"I-" My voice cuts out. I sniff hard, gathering the strength to say it. I`ve wanted to say it for so long. I`ve written dozens of poems about it, kept it hidden away, afraid to let it see the light, afraid he`d snuff it out.

　　"I love you," I say. "Obviously&"If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

　　He laughs and squeezes me, squeezing a laugh from me, too. How long has it been since I`ve laughed? The fog around my heart begins to part. Cabbage tries to sneak into my lap, but Kano and I are so close together, there`s just no room right now. How did they even find me&?

　　"H-how did you-"

　　"Wait," he says, pulling away, just far enough to look into my eyes. He`s flushed from crying, that same funny orange color he gets when he`s embarrassed. "Um, before we get into that&"

　　"...What is it?"

　　"Can I, uh&" He clears his throat and glances away.

　　"Can you what?"

　　"Kiss - can I kiss you?" he asks, looking at me with his big, green, red-rimmed eyes. I skip a breath.

　　"Uh&" I make an odd choking sound, feigning as if I was just clearing my throat. "I mean& sure, yeah."

　　I have no idea what my face is doing. I must look like an idiot. My heart beats twice as fast as he closes the space between us. I`ve never kissed anyone before. He presses his lips to mine. I`m scared motionless, worried I`ll do it all wrong. He chuckles, then takes a sweet, gentle sip of my bottom lip. I just let him, committing the feeling to memory, analyzing the way he`s moving. I`m starting to understand, I think. He`s so gentle, so patient. I take a breath, and I take a drink of him. I feel him smile against me. He nibbles. I nibble back, again and again and again, until we`re both gasping for breath-

　　"Mrroooh."

　　We stop. Cabbage is watching us with a look of stark disapproval. Kano cracks up laughing, and I join him.

　　"He has a point," he says. I nod, wiping a joyful tear from my eye.

　　"Yeah, we probably should get out of here&"

　　He helps me stand. I teeter, and as I catch my balance and my legs wake up, I look down to see my tattered rags and the rubble and ruin around me, all stained deep red with my blood. The weapon is nowhere to be seen. Kano follows my gaze to the thick, ugly scars on my wrists.

　　"I think they look pretty badass," he says without missing a beat, though his voice tremors in a way that guts me. I crinkle my face, fighting not to cry. He wraps around my shoulders, holding me up, pulling me in. I never realized how tall he really is. There was always a few feet of distance between us. But up close, like this, we fit together just right.

　　"Why did you bring that?" I say, noticing his guitar case for the first time.

　　"Oh& It`s the one you got me," he says. "I was wanting to play you a song when I found you. I`ll need to tune it first. I brought us cigarettes, too, but I lost those&"

　　I smile. He`s so ridiculous.

　　The light from above glints against the Du閚`s tear-shaped metal bunkers, dented and stuck fast to the walls. I pray that they survived this. I pray the spoli kept them safe.

　　But maybe you`ll understand why some of us still believe that they`re Angels&

　　"What are these things?" Kano says, watching them drift.

　　"I think&"

　　family

　　A warm breeze rolls over my skin, goosebumps prickling all over.

　　"I think they`re ashes," I say. "The Du閚 cremate their dead, but they have to use smokeless magic fire to keep from choking down here, so& I don`t know. Magic is weird."

　　"...Yeah," Kano says, a faraway look in his eyes. "Yeah, it really is."

　　"Prrooh!"

　　Cabbage`s head turns all the way around, striking us with an impatient glare. Kano grins, retrieves his guitar, takes my hand, and pulls me along. I`m exhausted, hungry, filthy, thirsty, with no more tears left to give& but I`m happy.

　　*******

　　It`s a long, painful, uphill walk to the surface. We stay near the walls of the sinkhole when we can, occasionally guided by its light. For the first time in eons, I have a sense of night and day. Cabbage keeps watch and leads us to food and drink, however meager. Kano and I keep each other warm when we sleep. I tell him we have to keep quiet, that there are monsters down here, but he already knows. I constantly check over my shoulder, searching for shadows of beasts, or Du閚, or the voices, but they`re never there, and the voices have gone away, mostly. They still hover on the edges of my mind, but they don`t scare me, now. Not in the same way. Not with Kano around.

　　On those nights when I can`t sleep, when the terror strikes, when the guilt suffocates me, when I feel like I`m alone, when I cry as silently as I can& he hears me whimper. He strokes my hair. He whispers, it`s okay, I`m here. Cabbage curls up by my stomach, purrs, and covers me with his wing, and for once, I really believe it. It is okay. I`m not alone. And I sense, in some way, I never have been.

　　I don`t care about finding my father anymore. It was a fool`s errand from the start. I want only to make it out of here, to find a place where I can build up a life with the only person who matters. We have no more secrets, no more unfulfilled longing, and decades to make up for.