Home Genre comedy Norman the Necromancer (Progression Fantasy)

Chapter 6: Perfectly Norman date

  Norman sat on the couch, smoking a cigarette. He didn`t normally smoke cigarettes, but he needed something to take the edge off after the awful shit he had experienced today. And he was all out of weed. He needed to break out of this recent pattern of having to relax and recover after every day. It was getting old fast.

  Most of what he experienced wasn`t that bad. Sure being tossed around by a dog sucked but it wasn`t malicious. The one that really got to him was dying from starvation in a live trap because someone had forgotten about it. It came uncomfortably close to mirroring Norman`s experience before he met Toby. It was the type of hunger that just ate away at ya, making it nearly impossible to do anything. After that experience, he removed all of the live traps from his garage.

  But despite the horrific things he witnessed and felt, he did learn some things. The most important bit of information he learned was that he didn`t need the whole ritual carving aspect of the spell. Not unless he wanted to experience the full host of sensations as his subject died. And who in their right mind would want to go through that?

  He should have just assumed that was the case after his second test, but no, he had to be thorough and make sure with a follow-up test. Which happened to be the raccoon that died from starvation.

  Thankfully, the visions only showed the final minute of the creatures` lives. Any more than that and Norman might have lost his mind. He was tempted to just erase this spell from his notebook and try something else out. He didn`t though, because progress was progress. Even if that progress was painful.

  After those successful` tests, Norman was left with a dilemma. He now knew he needed the magical powder to make his form of magic work, at least for this spell. And he was quickly running out of that precious substance. He doubted the elves were going to volunteer blood for him to practice with.

  It was more likely that they would kill him on sight if they ever found out he was debasing a part of their bodies for his own gain. They seemed like the type of people to have strong feelings about something like that.

  That left him in his current pickle. His small supply of the magical powder was not going to last him long.

  Norman knew he needed more, but he wasn`t a fighter and he certainly didn`t want to tangle with the jorik. The blue-skinned assholes he ran into inside the city were some of the nicest he had met so far. That told you all you needed to know about the ones that could be found patrolling their border. Those tended to be cruel and vicious when they encountered humans.

  Funnily enough, those traits also made them perfect targets. No self-respecting citizen of Redstone Springs would care if he killed one. Norman added the self-respecting part because nobody respected politicians, even other politicians.

  Capturing or killing a jorik was all good in theory, but Norman had never killed anyone or anything before. He doubted he could even bring himself to try. Heck, he used live traps for anything bigger than a mouse because he didn`t want to kill anything he didn`t have to. The only reason he didn`t live trap mice was that he couldn`t find a live trap small enough to contain the little buggers.

  He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. Now that he had a way forward, stopping felt wrong. But he couldn`t just run out into the wilderness and hope to catch a jorik unawares, then hope to capture them so he could drain their blood.

  There was always the option to hire someone from the Guild but he couldn`t just trust this information with anyone. It had been a risk just asking Toby to get those bodies for him. But his magic wasn`t a secret between the two of them. Asking some random person or those muscle heads at the Guild to get him jorik blood would throw up some huge red flags, even for those idiots.

  Norman put the cigarette out in the ashtray, it wasn`t helping. He grabbed his phone and wallet and decided to go for a walk to try and clear his head. Maybe then he could come up with another plan to procure the blood. Hopefully, one that wouldn`t end with him splattered across the ground from some nasty jorik magic.

  He jerked the door open, getting a squeak of surprise from Anna as she ran into his stomach instead of the door. Norman grunted as the air was knocked out of him. He groaned and rubbed his chest where she had hit him. "What was that for?"

  "I`m so sorry, Norman, are you ok?"

  "I`m fine. Why were you running full tilt at my door anyway?" Her being here threw a wrench in his plans making it hard to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

  There was enough going on without the added complication of dealing with her and his current issues at the same time.

  "I`m bored."

  "&"

  Anna didn`t clarify further before trying to change the subject.

  "Are you going somewhere? Mind if I join you?"

  Norman suppressed a sigh, he realized she was probably going to tag along no matter what he said. If he agreed to let her come with at least he could make sure she stayed safe. But he didn`t want her to know that, as it would only encourage her to be more clingy in the future. He shrugged. "I`m just going for a walk. It`s probably not going to be all that interesting."

  "I don`t mind."

  Norman just shrugged and started walking. Anna beamed as she followed along. It didn`t take long before she tried to get Norman to hold her hand. Norman expertly ignored her attempts and she eventually gave up. Instead, she settled on holding the crook of his arm. It made him feel uncomfortable but it would be even more awkward if he told her to stop or go home so he remained quiet.

  The shorter girl struggled to match Norman`s stride. When he noticed this, he shook his head and slowed his pace to match hers. Now Anna didn`t have to jog to keep up. It wasn`t his fault he was tall.

  "This is nice," she said suddenly.

  "Huh?"

  Norman saw the girl`s face turn beet red. "Ge- getting out and about. It`s not often I get to just walk through town. Toby says it`s too dangerous to go out alone."

  If that is what Toby told his sister, who was Norman to disagree. Although he didn`t think it was all that dangerous.

  "It can be. Though I don`t see many of the alien creatures around much anymore. Then again they tend to avoid me. I guess I`m too big a target for them." Norman was on the taller side at six foot three.

  "You`re lucky," she sighed.

  "Huh, how so?" He responded absently.

  "Well, you`re free to come and go as you please. I know Toby just wants to keep me safe since Mom and Dad are gone but he isn`t my parent, he is my brother. I sometimes feel like I`m a prisoner in my own home." Anna kicked some rocks from the sidewalk as she paused her thoughts. "You and Toby are the only people I really know, especially since they canceled the schools."

  "What about your classmates, surely you had some friends you message or still talk to?" Norman felt bad for the girl, especially if Toby and he were the only two people she normally interacted with.

  "Friends," she huffed, releasing Norman`s arm to cross hers. "Those backstabbing ingrates? I mentioned to one of them that I thought this boy in our class was cute. And they told him. Everyone laughed at me after that. Then my so-called friends stopped talking to me. All because one of them had a crush on the guy. And they thought he was too good for me and wanted me to know that."The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

  Norman winced, he knew she had had a rough time in school, but not the details. Teenage girls were brutal.

  "You`re probably better off without them." Norman knew plenty of people like those Anna described.

  Norman had a rough time in school as well so he could relate to fake friends. Perhaps that was why he was so reluctant to push Anna away completely, her situation reminded him of his own a bit.

  After his parents left, Norman tried to fill the gap in his life by hosting parties at his house for all his high school friends. When those parties stopped, his so-called friends vanished much like his parents.

  It didn`t matter that the choice to stop the parties hadn`t been his. The Redstone Springs Police Department had raided his house during one of those parties. Which resulted in a lot of kids getting busted for underage drinking. Norman hadn`t been among the ones to get busted, but he had to lay low for a few weeks after that to avoid getting arrested and sent to juvenile hall. With his parents being out of the picture, that was the last place Norman wanted to end up.

  The memory of outrunning the police that night still made Norman smile.

  "Hold up for a moment," Anna called from behind.

  Norman paused and turned. He realized he had left Anna behind while lost in his thoughts.

  He watched in confusion as the girl picked up a piece of broken concrete about the size of a fist. She hefted it in her hand and then turned toward the house they were walking past.

  "Traitor!" Anna screamed as she heaved the chunk of stone through a large picture window in the front of the darkened house.

  Norman was shocked by the girl`s outburst, it was just so out of character for the mild-mannered girl that he was speechless for a moment. When reality caught back up, Norman looked around to ensure nobody else had seen the act of vandalism.

  While most of the people outside the wall had abandoned their homes for safety inside the walls, some were still around. And the city had declared vandalism a serious crime. The police didn`t have much else to do anymore so they cracked down hard on petty offenders. Toby said it was to ensure homes remained intact if they were forced to push people back out from the wall. Norman had no reason to dispute that information.

  Norman quickly grabbed Anna`s arm and jerked her along as he ran. The smaller girl didn`t even resist as she was pulled along, she just laughed.

  "Are you fucking nuts?"

  That question only seemed to make her laugh more.

  "Fuck it!" She yelled as Norman hurried her along.

  Norman could only shake his head in exasperation as he pulled her down an alley and out of sight of the house. He cursed when he heard the sirens in the distance. It seems someone had reported the incident, he could only hope whoever did, didn`t get a good look at them. He didn`t need to add hiding from the cops to his growing list of problems.

  He pulled Anna down another thin alleyway between two buildings moments before a cop car went racing past the road they were just on. He poked his head out of the alley and watched as the police car turned down another road. Norman sighed in relief, they weren`t going in the direction the pair had come from.

  Norman turned to reprimand Anna, but before he could, she wrapped her arms around his torso and pressed herself against him.

  "Hold me."

  "What? Stop! What the hell has gotten into you?" Norman pushed the nonsensical girl off of him and held her at length.

  "Nothing," she pouted, crossing her arms.

  "Your little stunt could have gotten us both arrested."

  "Oh please, besides, that was my former friend Becky`s house. She got what she deserved."

  "That`s not the point, I`m taking you back home." Norman tried to pull her forward but the girl was surprisingly nimble as she slipped from his grasp.

  "No! I won`t let Becky ruin this date."

  "What are you on about?" Date? What date? Norman didn`t have time to process anymore before Anna rushed past him and down the street towards downtown.

  "Anna, get back here. If you get hurt, Toby is going to kill me."

  "No, if you want to keep me safe, you`ll just have to finish our date. I want dinner and a show!"

  Norman`s heart threatened to leap out of his chest as he raced to catch up to the girl. There was no way Toby wouldn`t find out about this little escapade, so he needed to do his best to protect Anna. Especially from herself, it seemed.

  He could try and drag her back home but if they got stopped he had the sinking suspicion that Anna would try something that would get him arrested. It was clear she wasn`t acting like herself. Norman knew from Toby that Anna had issues but it was the first time he had gotten to experience it himself and he wasn`t enjoying it.

  With no other choice, Norman followed behind her until they got past the wall, where she grabbed his arm again and steered him toward the market district. Norman despised this little game she was playing but he needed to ensure she got home safe and sound.

  Anna dragged him around the market with an iron grip on his arm. He allowed it since it seemed to calm the erratic girl. As they passed stall after stall, the girl`s eyes would light up as she spotted items of interest. She would then proceed to drag him over to take a look.

  "Norman, look," she pointed to a random-looking necklace.

  "Yeah? What about it?"

  "It`s magical, jorik made, I think."

  Norman took a closer look at this supposed necklace, the merchant eyeing him suspiciously. "I doubt it."

  To Norman, it just looked like one of those cheap birthstone necklaces that they sold at flea markets. The chain wasn`t even gold or platinum, it was just cheap brass or copper. But he thought he saw a slight blue glow emanating from the crystal so maybe it was magical.

  "Buy it for me, Norman."

  "What? I`m not buying that for you. Are you out of your mind?" That was the wrong thing to say.

  Anna stomped her foot and crossed her arms as she glared at him.

  Shit, he had not meant to say it like that, he was just surprised by her request.

  "I`m not made of money, Anna." She didn`t budge, just staring at him and getting angrier with each passing moment.

  People were starting to look at the pair, making Norman nervous.

  Norman sighed, "Fine." He didn`t want to deal with another outburst from the girl.

  He turned toward the seller. "How much?"

  The older-looking woman was wearing an unflattering faded denim shirt and jeans that were way too tight on her and made her look like an overstuffed sausage. She sashayed over, in what she probably thought was a sexy manner but that`s definitely not how it looked to him. Norman wished he could wipe the image from his brain as he did his best not to laugh.

  "Oh, this little beauty?" The woman picked up the necklace and draped it over her hand similar to how they do it in those shitty late-night infomercials. "It came off a dead elf, it`s the real deal."

  "&"

  Norman waited for the woman to tell him what the item did but she didn`t expound on its virtues or the price. Norman knew this trick and he wasn`t about to humor the woman, too bad Anna didn`t.

  "Oh, what does it do?" she asked enthusiastically.

  Norman saw the quick smirk on the merchant`s face as she turned toward Anna.

  "This little beauty is said to bring luck in one`s love life." The merchant flicked her eyes between the pair.

  Norman shuddered in revulsion at the implied look. Thankfully, Anna was completely engrossed and didn`t notice his reaction. Anna asked a follow-up question.

  "How does it do that?"

  "Magic my dear girl, magic."

  Norman snorted at that, earning a slight frown from the merchant.

  "How do you know that`s what it does? You said it came off a dead elf, so how would you know?" The question earned a full-on glare from the merchant as well as Anna. He just rolled his eyes.

  "It was appraised by the Guild. They were the ones that told me it was a necklace of bound souls."

  Norman wanted to roll his eyes when he heard the Guild`s name. They were a group of people that called themselves adventurers like this was some sort of stupid Isekai novel.

  Like adventurers from those stories, they went out and fought monsters`. It was part of the reason that the alien animals were so scarce around the area. So maybe they weren`t completely useless.

  "That sounds more like some dark magic fuckery than a love necklace." Norman may be forced to buy this shitty necklace but he certainly wasn`t going to make it easy on this merchant.

  The merchant scoffed. "If that were the case, the Guild would have destroyed it instead of letting me sell it.

  Norman doubted the Guild` knew their ass from a hole in the ground when it came to magical items. "I`ll give you twenty-five bucks for it."

  The woman scoffed in faux outrage. "I couldn`t do less than two hundred."

  Norman shrugged, "That`s your problem." He began to walk away.

  "One fifty!"

  "Seventy-five."

  "Ninety."

  The merchant eventually settled on eighty-five, which was eighty-five more than he wanted to spend on the piece of junk. Norman knew the same thing the seedy merchant probably knew but didn`t bother disclosing. The necklace wasn`t worth more than the materials it was made from. At least for humans.

  No magical items he had seen from the jorik worked for humans. Nobody could figure out why, but Norman was beginning to suspect it was the same reason their blood contained power.

  Never in a million years, even if Anna threw the monster of all tantrums would Norman have purchased a love necklace` for the unstable girl. If there had been even the tiniest inkling that it would work for her, he would have dragged her away kicking and screaming. That would have been a better outcome than what would happen if Toby found out he bought her a working love necklace. That was a situation Norman did not want to find himself in. But he was pretty sure Toby would forgive him for humoring her to get her home.

  Just in case, Norman would find a way to apologize to him. He didn`t want something like this to drive a wedge in their friendship.

  Norman also decided to hide the fact that the necklace was useless from Anna. She seemed happy with the trinket and it meant he could finally take her home.

  After she donned the necklace, her mood quickly improved, which allowed Norman to lead her instead of the other way around. Norman dropped her off at her house and went back to his across the street.

  Despite the awkwardness of the imposed date, Norman wasn`t too upset. It was nice not being alone for once. But he was still going to have to avoid the girl for the next few weeks or months. If she was clingy before, after this date` she would probably be insufferable. And Norman wanted things to go back to the way they were. He didn`t want to rock the boat with his friend or add any more complications to his life right now.

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