My name is Ashley Lancaster. But, perhaps, I should say that was my name. In retrospect, I probably shouldn`t have gone for that thirty-six hour ViewTube stream. Sure, it was a nice stretch goal for reaching 500 channel members but, at twenty-nine years old, I am, by definition, no longer twenty-one, and my diet of far too many cans of Blue Ox energy drinks caused my heart to give out just after I ended the stream. So yeah, I`m dead. Sucks to be me.

　　It turns out the afterlife is a lot like a trip to the DMV. A lot of waiting in a soulless, undecorated white room, right down to those fluorescent lights that always seem to flicker when you finally get a chance to relax and rest your eyes for a moment. Plenty of sitting around, plenty of waiting for the next available agent, and every single one of the agents looks like they`d rather be literally anywhere else than here. And a lot of the time, they aren`t here. Off taking smoke breaks or out to lunch or going for their fourth restroom break of the hour. That last part really makes so little sense - we`re all literally disembodied souls waiting for our judgement. I would have thought they`d not have such biological urges.

　　Without hunger, thirst, or other needs, time distends from consciousness. All I can do is sit around and wait and wait and wait some more - no mouth means no ability to talk to anyone, so all I can do is ruminate in my thoughts. I curse myself a bit for not getting enough sleep and exercise. Pine over that cute girl I did a collab with a few months back. And I worry about my mother a lot - we weren`t on the greatest terms before my untimely death. I hope she`s doing okay; despite our& boisterous personalities often clashing, she`s still my mother and I still love her.

　　It could just as easily be a few minutes or a few millennia that I`m waiting before my number gets called and I`m summoned before one of the clerks. I take a seat in a chair that looks just like those cheap desk chairs from elementary school. Made of indestructium-laced plastic, and as pleasant on the butt as ultra-cheap toilet paper in public restrooms.If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

　　"Name?" the clerk asks. Another disembodied, amorphous ball of light, just like all the other souls here. Its voice is monotonous, almost robotic, like one of those really old text-to-speech programs.

　　"Ashley Lancaster, age 29," I try to say.

　　The clerk heads to the back, as though it could hear my thoughts. Welp, this is it. I can only imagine what fate awaits me. I mean, I`ve never really done anything super evil. I mean, I speed a bit, and I`ve definitely looked the other way when people could have used money. I didn`t give a ton of money to charity. But with the rent being what it is, who can blame me? And I was never one for attending religious services. Doubt creeps over me as I resign myself for eternity in whatever hell I`ll soon have a hot date with.

　　The clerk returns a moment later and sits down. Their chair looks quite a bit more comfortable than mine - at least a little actual cushioning! "Ah, Ms. Lancaster. Here we are. Hmm. Now this is an interesting case."

　　If I had eyes, I`d roll them.

　　The clerk continues. "On the one hand, you`ve never really done anything worthy of going to hell. But on the other hand, you never did anything worthy of heaven either. If it were just that, I`d give you a few thousand years of purgatory to ready you for heaven. But it seems you have some& potential."

　　"Potential?"

　　"It`s a rare trait some souls have. The potential to provide a great service to a world that needs you." The clerk pauses. "The system authorizes me to grant you either permanent residency in heaven, or the restoration of your life. In return, first you must serve as the heroine for a world that needs you."

　　In other words, I`m about to become an isekai protagonist. Welp, I guess it beats hell.

　　"I accept your terms," I say. "Take good care of my body while I`m gone." And with that, the afterlife branch of the DMV fades away and a bright light overwhelms me.