Sammy reaches into her inventory and pulls a healing salve out, jamming its contents down my throat. It tastes absolutely disgusting, with the waxy taste of petroleum jelly complementing some fruity flavor, not unlike chapstick, but far less palatable. But just as I pucker up to spit the foul-tasting cream, my wounds begin to close up and my aches diminish somewhat. Still nowhere near fully healed, but I can at least move about without grimacing.

　　"Feeling any better?" Sammy asks.

　　"Not amazing, but yeah. Though, aren`t these salves supposed to be for topical use?"

　　Sammy smirks. "They`re a bit more effective when consumed orally. Though, most people go for topical use because of the taste."

　　I guess magic is magic no matter the medium, and I doubt the other ingredients are that poisonous. I stand up and rotate my shoulders around. A little stiff still, but functional enough in a pinch.

　　"I just have one question, Sammy. How are we getting out of here?"

　　"The way we came, of course. Why?"

　　"I& uh- I don`t think I can jump across the chasm in the state I`m in."

　　Sammy shakes her head and pulls another salve out of her inventory, tossing it to me. "Bottoms up!"

　　Considering it`s either another shot of healing gunk or some time swimming in the sludge gunk, it`s not a hard decision. Taste buds, forgive me! I swallow it in a single gulp, and somehow, it tastes even worse the second time around. Anticipatory dread? Is that even a thing? In any case, the pain is nearly completely gone, though the chasm ahead of me still feels - and smells - like a disaster waiting to happen.

　　"After you, Sammy," I say.

　　"Not on your life, Ash! You`re going first like last time. Or do I need to remind you that you`re the stronger one? At least physically speaking."

　　Sammy, sometimes I hate when you`re right like this. "Right now, I`m still not at full strength, and we both just got stronger after that last fight."

　　"Funny, Ash. I thought I just heard you say Jam another Healing Salve down my throat.` Could you repeat that for me just to make sure?"

　　Cold, Sammy. Real cold. "How about I give you a boost?"

　　"You going to toss me or something?"

　　"No." I clasp my hands together like a small basket. "Stand in my arms, and when you`re ready to jump, I`ll throw you forward to help your momentum."

　　"Uh, no way, Ash! You`re going first, and I don`t need any excuses or cute ideas. And you better hurry before I jam it down your throat. I`ve already been down here for&"

　　"About two hours, I think."

　　"Two hours longer than I wanted to be, and I don`t need you stalling any longer, Ms. Hotshot. Take the salve, take a plunge, I don`t care, but I want out of here and I want a bath."

　　I shake my head. What ever happened to quiet, demure Sammy? I`m really missing her right about now. But, time to bite the bullet before I have a fireball shoved up my ass. Mustering up my remaining strength, I leap across the chasm, and, by divine providence, I land on solid ground, and stick the landing. Though I`m far more winded than I should be, especially given that stamina shouldn`t be a thing in this world. More things to look into later.

　　Sammy leaps across a few seconds later, this time also sticking the landing, though I grab her hand and pull her in just to be sure. She smirks at me before pulling away and back toward the central dais in these goddess-forsaken sewers. She`s already made her disdain excruciatingly clear, and quite frankly, I can`t blame her.

　　Two more skeletons approach as we near the sluice controls to block our path, but neither lasts more than two slashes before crumbling to dust. And hopefully no more vermin await as we leave this goddess-forsaken maze behind.

　　Left, straight, right, straight, straight, left, left, right. Not too hard to memorize, and before too long, we reach our access point. For the first time since morning, we`re greeted by natural daylight. Sammy runs ahead of me, and even though my shins get splashed with sludge, I won`t let it bring my mood down. Clean air and a warm bath await me.

　　The scent of earth and fresh grass is a welcome greeting as I rush up the access ladder, and for a moment, I do nothing but lie down and take in the cool breeze and the warm midday sun. Though, with the nausea-inducing stench finally lifting from my nose, my stomach gurgles awake and I`m reminded that it`s a bit after lunchtime. But, a bath is a higher priority still.

　　"Ladies," a man`s voice starts. "Did you two just go into the sewers?"

　　Sammy immediately clams up and retreats inward, and I quickly kick my legs up and jump to greet the man. Younger, probably around thirty, short, light brown hair, neatly combed back, freshly shaven, with an immaculate suit and tie getup. Not sure if businessman or politician, but either way, he exudes a sleazy vibe.If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it`s taken without the author`s consent. Report it.

　　"I trust you have a reason for this? The sewers are a restricted area for all townspeople. There`s-"

　　I cut him off. I really want food, not to get chewed out by some wannabe cop after saving their sorry butts. "There was a giant undead snake carcass slithering about. Yeah, we know. It was causing the town`s earthquakes with all its thrashing about, and as we weren`t going to get any sleep with such a monster on the loose, we went down there and pounded it to dust. You can thank us by paying for our lunch and a night at the Six Seasons - we both deserve a night of luxury after all the smells and skeletons we had to endure."

　　"Wait, you-"

　　"Yes, suit boy. Now if you plan to arrest us, don`t bother; I`m not in the mood to be punished for doing your sorry ass a good deed. Otherwise either pay up or get lost."

　　I walk past, beckoning Sammy to join me, and she circles around the man before jogging up just beside me. I scan around looking for a place to get at least a snack, though it appears with the crowd gathered in the central plaza, that might prove difficult. I approach cautiously, not quite sure what to expect. Hopefully not a confrontation, though there wasn`t one in the game.

　　An older gentleman, nearly bald and heavily wrinkled, approaches us from the crowd. He walks slowly and trepidatiously, using a cane, before bowing slightly at the both of us.

　　"Ah, are you two the ones who stopped the earthquakes?" he asks.

　　"We are, but how would you know that?" I say. "And who are you? Is it not considered polite to introduce yourself before interrogating someone? Especially given that the two of us are exhausted, smelly, and famished."

　　"Ah, forgive my manners. I am the City Manager of Rotini, Elzir Rolfast. Regarding your first question, the earthquakes had been getting steadily worse throughout the morning, getting particularly bad perhaps half an hour ago. But since then, the ground has been completely quiet. In news I believed unrelated at the time, there was a report of two women who were seen sneaking into the sewers. Originally we suspected that the two of you were the cause of these quakes, but now I see just the opposite was true."

　　I restrain an eyeroll. I don`t need a long lecture and some overwrought diatribe about how we`re the great heroines who saved the town. I need food. Preferably more of those Wallack Specials. I think I could eat at least two. Maybe three. My mouth waters just thinking about it, and any chance of paying attention to anything he has to say is now lower than it was back when I was speedrunning and mashing through textboxes.

　　"Well, my friend and I are going to get lunch now. If you want to thank us, you can do so after we eat." I turn to Sammy. "Hungry?"

　　"Absolutely!"

　　It`s nice to see Sammy`s cheerful demeanor return, and it`s equally nice to finally be done with that part of our adventure. I hated it before, and somehow, it managed to be even worse experiencing the dungeon in person. I start thinking through the upcoming dungeons, pondering if I have any new olfactory sensations to look forward to, though after scanning the list, nothing comes to mind. In any case, a palette cleanser is in order.

　　And, as it so happens, as we approach my new favorite food truck in this world or back on Earth, the line to Wallack`s makes way. I motion toward the back of the line, but Sammy grabs my hand and pulls me forward. As she leads me on toward our lunch, I`m forced to partially retract my earlier statement - confident, domineering Sammy has her perks too. And somehow, she`s even hotter.

　　And the food is even better this time around. Whether because I`m that much hungrier or because I`ve been looking forward to it all day, I neither know nor care. Bite after mouthwatering bite rushes its way down my throat, and I think I manage to break my previous record for how quickly I scarf it down before turning to the second. Feeling adventurous, I decided to get a Wallack`s Spicy Special as well.

　　"What the fu-!" I scream out.

　　"Are you okay?" Sammy asks.

　　I nod while coughing, my eyes now bloodshot and watery. Delicious, but my goddess, when the menu said spicy, it wasn`t kidding! I quickly look toward my status screen and see that I`ve taken fifty damage, but I`m also under two temporary buffs. One of them raises my attack by 20% and the other grants me resistance to Ice elemental damage. They both make enough sense, I suppose. Hopefully it keeps well in inventory - there`s a couple places where both of those buffs will come in handy.

　　"Not going to eat the second one after all? I guess you weren`t as hungry as you thought!"

　　Sammy smirks at me in between bites of her food. She has about two-thirds of her meal left - she probably wasn`t quite as hungry as I, or at least, has better willpower to control her hunger pangs. Maybe if I didn`t spend the last five years of my previous life living alone in front of a screen, learning to eat quickly in the middle of ten-hour speedruns, I too would eat like a civilized adult. Oh well, can`t undo it now.

　　"So, will we be leaving soon?" she asks, setting down her half-eaten wrap.

　　"I`d like to leave tomorrow morning if possible and make our way to the capital as soon as possible. Besides, I still owe you a couple of cute brooches, and that`s where we`ll find the best selection in the kingdom."

　　"And here I thought I was going to have to drag you along by the collar. I`m glad to see that you`ve remembered for now."

　　"Do you want something fashionable and cute, or something more functional, useful in combat?"

　　"Useful like how?"

　　"Well, these two charms I`m wearing both synergize with my combat role as a frontline fighter. This red one here is a Strength Charm, which makes my attacks hit harder and do more damage. And this silvery one is an Experience Charm, which increases the rate at which I gain levels. There`s a bunch of different options for you to think about, including ones that let you cast spells with less magic cost, ones that give you defensive boosts, and pretty much every other effect you can think about."

　　"Oh, wow. That`s a lot to take in."

　　"Of course, you can only wear two accessories at a time. I mean, yes, physically you can wear as many as you like. But you only get to apply the effects of two at a time."

　　"Why is that?"

　　A rudimentary attempt to sneak some semblance of balance into the game, given all the busted mechanics we`re about to get access to as soon as we reach Ravioli. But after the way we cut through the puzzle of the Rotini Sewers, I`m not convinced that rule still applies.

　　"I`ll admit, that`s just something that was taught early on. I`ve never actually tried to see what would happen personally."

　　"Well, maybe we should fix that, shouldn`t we, Ash?" Sammy sniffs around. "After the two of us get a nice long bath first."

　　"And make the city manager pay for it!" I add.