Chris IV

　　"There`s two others like us," I say.

　　Marina Lightyears. She`s the sole reason I agreed to work with Lyle. She knows things about me, about you. I haven`t talked to you in a while, mostly because I`ve been talking to this white-haired woman. She tells me it`s pointless to poke my head outside the universe, where you are. After all, what good could I do if I knew what was beyond it?

　　"Here in the state, or in general?" She signs.

　　Marina only signs to me. I still haven`t asked her how she knew that I could read it but that`s the bottom of my list of questions. I don`t get much time to talk to her while we work. She`s often too busy running the organization. From what I`ve gathered, she handles all the logistics and business side of things. Lyle runs the muscle and everything else. Yet I can feel her heart just isn`t in it.

　　"The state."

　　"Yes. A mother and her adopted daughter. I`ve met them. They`re good people."

　　"That`s what I thought. It`s faint but I feel them too. It`s like the pull wants me to make decisions towards them, just like with you."

　　"That`s how it works, we`re all drawn to each other. We`re all special. Did you know we all do something different?"

　　"No."

　　"You can see what`s beyond and know where things are supposed to go. I wish had that."

　　Marina, in our limited time, has been helping me understand just who I am. She says all of us who have this mutation are born odd. She calls it the Gift of the Goddess. I`m not one to judge no matter how ridiculous it would seem. At best I can call it the next step in human evolution but any evidence to support it is paper thin. Sometimes I feel like it`s all in my head.

　　Maybe we`re both nuts.

　　It`s only once, but I`ve seen her eyes in the dark. They`re unnatural with the mutation maybe being one in a trillion if it`s even possible, to begin with. "I doubt having the eyes of a feline is worse."

　　Marina does a silent laugh with her hand over her mouth. "I haven`t shown you?" Marina gets up from her chair and sits on the table where I`ve been working. In the process, she knocks most of the equipment down. I don`t mind, all I`ve been doing is fluff work.

　　I have no intention of recreating the original Winter. At best I just improve the least toxic version they have here. Lyle expects miracles but even if I tried it would be impossible. The small amount of actual Winter I`ve been given to research gives me a headache. The chemical compounds it`s made off of shouldn`t be stable. The best I can do is make it stable enough for a microsecond before it renders itself useless and toxic. I`m not going to lie, how the original can be stable intrigues me but I`m better off not looking into it. I can`t afford to hurt the world like that again, not since Elizabeth`s suicide.The author`s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

　　"Close your eyes and whatever you do, under no circumstance do you open them. Understand?"

　　"Yes."

　　When my eyes close, I feel her palm touch my forehead while she grabs hold of my hand with hers

　　.

　　In an instant I see. I see everything. It`s like a massive psychotic break where I`m reliving my past.

　　I`m a child. I`m a kid again, the center of attention. I`m the one who`s supposed to stand out amongst a pool of brilliant and gifted people. My attention was always on me ever since I was young. I`ve been told I was able to have full-blown conversations at two and was able to do complex math at four. My entire life was already decided from that moment, but it was not what I wanted. I didn`t want to have the pressure of living up to the expectations set by others. I just wanted to be normal.

　　Then I met Cody. He was the first one who didn`t treat me differently because I was weird. He just wanted to play and went along with anything I said. He`s the one who showed me I can have a regular childhood. So that`s what I did. I knew where my thread was supposed to go and I ignored it at every turn. I went against my fate. The further I strayed the more I couldn`t stop noticing it. I couldn`t ignore the itching feeling that I was not real.

　　By the time elementary was over I was already spending all my free time trying to learn everything as fast as I could. There`s no subject I don`t understand. There`s no problem I can`t solve. Even though I still tried to act normal and have the normal kid experience, that wasn`t my path. I just never realized that the road I chose to walk on led to the same destination. I saw that free will, at least for me, does not exist. I saw something beyond me and that`s when everything fell apart.

　　It starts out with a question.

　　How much of it is real?

　　The more you dive into it the more skepticism sets in and it starts to dilute the simple pleasures in life. I started to question the universe and develop models to measure the theories. It all became a conspiracy so I delved into psychology and physics but the more and more I delved the more I questioned existence. The reality maps started to crumble so I asked hallucinogens, "Who am I? What am I? Am I forever?"

　　And so the walls come crumbling down.

　　I found an answer to a question I had never asked.

　　That`s when I met you, the observer.

　　God.

　　I never thought my sanity could harm others until my inaction let Elizabeth die. It wasn`t real until I saw her outside grabbing the gun from her bag. It wasn`t real until it was screaming at me to stop her.

　　But I didn`t.

　　-

　　"Do you know what happens after we die?" She asked me a week before she died.

　　"Is heaven or hell not enough for you?"

　　"I`m asking you."

　　"If you were born inside a prison and lived there your entire life, would you be able to recognize the outside once you`re set free?"

　　"You don`t know either, huh? Hey, why do you always wear that ugly green parka all the time?"

　　"It`s comfortable."

　　"Does it make you feel safe?"

　　"Yes."

　　"I met my guardian angel. She told me to find somewhere safe. She told me that everything would be okay. Why couldn`t she protect me?

　　-

　　"Open your eyes," a whisper.

　　When I wake, Marina is adjusting her bangs. "Did you say something?"

　　She shakes her head and signs, "Did you see?"

　　"Yeah," I say with no breath. "What was that?"

　　"It`s what I can do. It helps me understand people. It helps me help others. Just like how you can help others too."

　　"I don`t think I can."

　　"Of course, you can. What`s it telling you right now?"

　　"To help you."

　　Marina smiles and leans forward. Up close, she looks normal. "That`s not what I felt. Stop being afraid, Chris. Tell me the truth."

　　"To save my friends."