Home Genre comedy THE GIRL WHO FELL IN THROUGH THE HOLE AT THE END OF THE WORLD

  "I give up. I can`t do it".

  Elizabeth threw down her pen and stared furiously at the lines of scribbled out, partially attempted sums in front of her.

  Elizabeth`s dad smiled patiently. "You`re cleverer than you realise. Don`t worry, you`ll get there".

  "But it`s too hard".

  "It`s supposed to be hard. That`s what makes it fun".

  Elizabeth criss-crossed her fingers exactly seven times. Which was what she did to clear her mind and start all over again. Then she made a sound that resembled Uuurrggghhh!` and kicked her feet against the study room chair. "This isn`t fun, it`s annoying!"

  Her dad laughed as she glared at the momentous scrawl on the page. His maths problems were infinitely trickier than any of the sums she ever got to do at school, even the hardest ones. Usually she could manage to work her way through them, piece by piece, until they were solved. And that was the reason she liked them. The sense of order. The certainty of knowing that if you applied the rules and followed the correct procedures then anything could be worked out in the end, no matter how complicated or deviously impossible it looked.

  Maths was fair.

  But this?

  The numbers and symbols were all over the place, confounding her with the utter patheticness of her efforts.

  "It`s a particularly difficult one, I have to admit", her dad said. "It took me a while to work it out myself".

  "But none of it fits properly".

  Her dad smiled again. "Put it away then. Just leave it for a while. Don`t look at it". He shut the notepad and lay the pen across the top. "It`ll come to you. Sometimes when you want to find something you need to know when to stop looking".

  Yes, thought Elizabeth. Because that makes perfect sense . . .

  "Goodnight pumpkin", dad said, as he turned out the light for bed.

  Elizabeth went to sleep with number-shapes spinning in front of her eyes.

  The following morning she struggled awake and went downstairs for breakfast. And halfway through a slice of toast was the tiniest crinkle of thought. Elizabeth beamed with excitement as soon as she realised what it was.

  "You worked it out then?" laughed her dad as she went racing up the stairs.

  Later that day he had given her the watch. It had a maths theme and was decorated with symbols such as square root and infinity and things like that. On the back of it were inscribed the words: x is y I love you`.

  "For all your hard work", he said, and Elizabeth could see him smiling, even now.

  She opened her eyes, blinked away the daydream, yawned and stretched her legs. The journey from the North Star had taken a whole day and a half. Most of it had been spent staring into the clouds or doing mental algebra or dozing or chewing her nails or sitting with her eyes closed wishing that she was fast asleep and back in her own bed.

  Barnaby had spent the trip camped in the pilot`s seat. After a great deal of huffing and fussing about he had finally found a way to get the engines working. The propellers made fuzzy mmmmmmm`s that tickled Elizabeth`s ears.

  The mood in the gondola was flatter than old lemonade. Aelgren had almost worn his voice out apologising for having left the Omnaria behind, to the point that in the end even Elizabeth had to ask him to be quiet. "It doesn`t matter. What`s done is done", she said, without conviction.

  Not long after breakfast on the second day (breakfast` in this case being a stale bread roll and a hunk of smelly cheese), Elizabeth began to sense a change in the world below. The frozen forest was now a sweep of green with rolling hills and valleys, and soon she could see growing signs of civilisation too. Small clumps of villages, railways and canals, flowering patches of life gradually blossomed together until eventually from up front Barnaby announced: "This is it. Solace - the capital of the Free Lands!"

  The city of Solace was unlike anything else she had seen - a bright jumbled mosaic of orange and white, like swirls of different flavoured ice cream melting into one another. The stumpy, chalky buildings in their terracotta hats were strewn across a landscape made of baked potato hills. Far off in the distance the city simply dissolved into a sparkling crystal sea as a flotilla of gulls and airships bobbed serenely in the sky.The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

  The Odyssey came down between two of the largest mounds, cruising into the city over the rise and fall of ancient ramparts, slender watchtowers and a chunky stone building that sort of resembled a fort.

  As soon as they reached the masts Barnaby pulled a lever to vent gas from the airbag. Luella guided them in with the aid of a grappling hook and winch, the anchor line hitting the ground to a hefty clonk.

   "Right then", said Barnaby, with a brisk clap of his hands. "Who fancies a nice cup of tea?"

  The professor had assured Elizabeth that his house was only a stone`s throw from the landing area. But she couldn`t help thinking that he must have had a very long throw indeed. And a very bad memory. Because what Barnaby had forgotten to mention were the long twisting alleyways, the wobbly old bridges and the rather steep hill that had to be negotiated on the way.

  The reason for this became clear when they got to the top: Barnaby`s house was inside the hill itself!

  The white wooden door led straight to a circular living room in which every single surface and space was positively infested with stuff. A great splurge of clutter was strewn haphazardly over the floor. Elizabeth almost broke her neck tripping over a mechanical parasol, the half-chewed remains of an engine and something that looked like a lawnmower attached to a sink.

  The air jiggled with the ceaseless ticking of clocks, every single one of them telling a completely different time.

  Speckly sunbeams trickled down through the skylights.

  "Let`s get you some proper clothes", was the first thing Luella said. She showed Elizabeth through a warren of tunnels to a small stuffy bedroom that was more like a hole scooped out of the wall. "I haven`t worn any of these since . . . well, not for a while anyway", she added, rummaging through the contents of a shelf and handing over a bundle of things.

  Elizabeth re-emerged wearing a cream top and pixie boots with buckles that chinked and jangled beneath a green autumnal skirt. She thought that the outfit looked very old-fashioned, but it was better than wandering about in pyjamas.

  "Ach, there`s nothing wrong with a good set of furs", grumbled Aelgren, when he saw her.

  Barnaby, in the meantime, had rustled up a fire in the hearth, a large tray of biscuits and several mugs of tea. "Best I can do until I get some proper provisions", he said as the girls sat down - the seats` being a pile of rugs and cushions on the floor that Barnaby said he picked up in a place called Yashoo ("Stay out of the sun and never eat the shellfish", he advised).

  But Elizabeth didn`t mind. She was so hungry that she practically woofed the biscuits down. And she was so thirsty that she even drank the tea, which Barnaby said was called Morning Wind.

  It wasn`t long before the conversation returned to the mysterious attack on the North Star.

  "What I still cannae understand", Aelgren was saying, "is how those Blackcoats managed to find us".

  "The southern entrance was very well hidden", Izzario agreed. "They all were".

  "Perhaps somebody spotted us from the air?" proposed Luella, fiercely dunking a biscuit.

  Izzario digested the thought. "The Northern Ridge is more than a hundred leagues from the skyways. No-one could have found us by accident".

  Barnaby leaned back in his armchair and took a big wet sluuuuurp of his tea. "But the only people to know about the North Star are the Wyse Council. Are you suggesting it had something to do with them?"

  "You and Arraflax aren`t exactly the best of friends", Izzario hypothesised.

  "We might not see eye to eye on things", said Barnaby, shaking his cloudy moon of a head, "but Arraflax wouldn`t do something like that".

  Luella scowled. "Why not? It would be the perfect way to get rid of you at last".

  Aelgren appeared to be saying something in agreement, but it was impossible to tell exactly what it was owing to the fact that his mouth was presently stuffed full of biscuits.

  "Who`s Arraflag?" Elizabeth asked.

  "Arra-flax", said Barnaby, correctively, "is Head of the Wyse Council and one of the founders of the Free Lands". He lobbed a reproachful face in Luella`s direction. "And just because he wants to see me chopped into tiny pieces, burnt to a cinder and thrown into the river Sword doesn`t mean that he would willingly hand the Omnaria over to the Dominion. Now that we know it works it could be our most powerful secret weapon. It got Elizabeth here after all".

  Elizabeth frowned at a flashing memory of the glowing hole that had appeared beneath her bed.

  And a loud and urgent pounding made her jump right out of her skin.

  The door to Barnaby`s house burst open to a trio of blue and white uniformed guards. They were carrying large muskets and on the front of their tunics was a crest of the sun and the moon.

  "Barnaby Thimblewick?" said the largest of the bunch, in a gruff and official way.

  "Er . . . yes", Barnaby replied.

  The guard held out a cream coloured scroll. "This is for you. By order of the Wyse Council".

  Barnaby took it with a deep measure of reluctance.

  The guards departed just as swiftly as they had arrived, marching off in tight formation down the long, steep slope of the hill.

  "What does it say?" Luella asked, closing the door behind them.

  Barnaby broke open the seal, unravelled the scroll and read the words aloud.

  Dr Barnaby Thimblewick

  1 Hilltop Peak

  Solace

  It is my duty to inform you that you have been summoned to appear before a specially convened hearing of the Wyse Council. The time of this hearing has been fixed for two-past-top on the Third Fall of Iriss. You are reminded that failure to attend may result in a fine and/or imprisonment.

  Signed, by order of the Council

  The professor held the scroll aloft for everyone to see. At the bottom was a rough and jagged, blood red letter A`.

  "Arraflax", spat Luella. Then, "And the Third Fall is today!"

  Barnaby sank deep into his chair and groaned like a weary tuba.

  "I`m sure it`ll be fine", said Luella, trying to sound reassuring. "Arraflax has probably summoned you just because he can".

  "I do hope so", sighed Barnaby, worriedly, guzzling the last of his tea.

  Aelgren grabbed the remaining biscuits and shoved them into his face. "Ach, just as I was starting to get comfortable", he chomped. "But it might be a chance to learn something about the attack on the North Star. If Arraflax was responsible then this is bound to have something to do with it".

  Izzario shook his head as Luella crossed her arms indignantly.

  "Do you know", he said, with a generous smile, "I have a very strong feeling that for once you might be right".

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